Thursday, 16 August 2012

Thoughts of Today

Wow, what a shit sleep. Why do I keep waking up at 7.30am these days? Oooo yes, laying down in the fetal position and hugging my knees is so oddly comfortable. I wish I could hire someone to hug my ovaries.  Just give them a good stroke. Would anyone be willing to do that free of charge? Fuck you if you'd ask for money, I'm amazing and hugging any part of me should be an honour in itself.  Can I be bothered to get out of bed? No. I could really do with a nice big breakfast. Can I be bothered to make it? No. *rolls out of bed, down the stairs and into the kitchen*. Hmmmm, eggs and tomatoes sounds so good right now, this involves effort though. *Opens up cupboard* 

Oh. We only have coco pops. I'm not fond about the idea of chocolate for breakfast. Alright ovaries, you win. I shall feed you all the chocolate you need. Oh look it has vitamin D in it. Let me pretend to give a fuck.
People suck. Why do you all suck so bad? Why do you say things then completely and utterly go against it?  I hate it when people moan about never being able to trust anyone, just to sound all mysterious and hidden. Why am I becoming that person? I blame everyone else. I'm great. You all suck. Why do I have to wear a hair net and hat to work? Maybe if I stretch my foot a little I can reach that box of tissues with my toes, rather than having to get up and move to get it. I think boys should all go through a period for at least one day. No. The entire week. And then maybe they will spend more time shutting the fuck up rather than chatting shit all the time.  I shall just watch this situation and laugh to myself. I feel sorry for you. All you care about is your popularity and befriending everything that moves. That sorta attitude will land you an STI, missy. I think I need some tea to motherfucking soothe the pain of this goddamn cycle.

I like my mug. Ahmad tea is great. It must be the Arab in me which overly appreciates cardamon. I remember the time the shop 'Eat' had put cardamon seeds in my tuna sandwich. I mean, i've had my fair share of cardamon but that is just crossing the line. They were probably capers, but it sure did taste like cardamon. I was angry and hungry, and emailed them with my friendly suggestion of changing their shop name from 'Eat' to 'Eat shit'. I haven't returned since. Did you seriously not get my point? That's not my point, my point was valid and we both know it. That's why you're ignoring it. A Chinese woman who was a customer at work made my week by telling me I am very attractive, even with my hat on. Oh wow, my favourite mug has a cat on it. Subliminal messages about how I should just give up and become a cat lady? Why do my feet have two different tan shades? Why couldn't I find anything on foot plastic surgery on Google? I must get myself nicer feet and finally feel confident enough to wear sandals. I knew this tea was missing something...

WHAT IS THIS MONSTROSITY? WHOOOO bought these fake jammie dodgers and who thought it was okay to replace the strawberry goodness with raspberry and cream? Why are all the malted milk biscuits broken in half? This just means I should eat more of them. GODDAMNIT, I WILL NEVER LEARN THAT 5 SECONDS IS TOO LONG TO DUNK MY BISCUIT IN TEA.  I can't drink a hot drink without keeping the tea spoon in the cup, does this mean I have attachment issues? Why did my friends laugh at me yesterday when I told them a favourite pass-time of mine is listening to Beyonce- I miss you, and crying like it has relevance to my life. It doesn't. But it's fun. I miss no one. If you're not in my life anymore it's your fault. I did nothing wrong. I'm great. I wish my mum would stop making kissy noises over Skype to my baby nephew. Oh it's raining *waits for a billion people to put this as their Facebook status*. No you stupid man, cappuccinos are meant to have frothy milk on the top, so do not tell me there shouldn't be froth. Oh you wanna go to the cafe downstairs then? That's fine, you're ugly and no one wants you here. There's so much you don't know and I never felt like I could tell you. I'm glad I didn't. I always end up feeling like the fool, but then I remember i'm in fact...COOL. I love rhyming, but no one does it better than Eminem. I love that man, and I'm certain he loves me too.

Last night was fun. I haven't laughed that much in so long. The drinks and food were so good. I can't believe my workmate said I have too high standards. Why would anyone want low standards? Why would I of all people expect anything less than the best when I myself am exactly that? Why do people take my realisation of my greatness as cockiness? Would you rather I told you all I'm shit and horrendous and I WISH I WERE LIKE YOU? You'd like that wouldn't you. But you're shit.  I'm sorry but constantly kicking a football in my direction and at me is not going to make me fall in love with you. In fact nothing will make me fall in love with you. Unless you constantly provide me with food. In fact, BE FOOD. YES. Be a piece of fried chicken or something. I will love you forever, then eat you, and end your existence forever. Then the world will be a better place. I hate it when you talk, but I hate it  even more when you don't talk. Then you go and talk and say all the wrong things and I end up hating it all. People say I'm full of hate. This is a lie. I'm full of biscuits, and you're full of shit.
I wish I could just eat forever.


  1. Replies
    1. <3 now to make sense of it all haha

  2. YOU HIGH? LOOOOOL! Eat Shit ;) love it!

  3. Omg the last paragraph "In fact, BE FOOD" just reminded me of this time me and my boyfriend were going to Cleethorpes on the train. And this fat african lady in front of us was with her man too, and he ended up like biting her arm flab or something. And then my boyfriend proceeded to add commentary "Omnom chocolate cake".

    I dunno why I even wrote this hahah

    1. LOL OMG. i am cracking up- he is hilarious! that sounds like something i would say hahahaha x