Monday, 30 July 2012

How To Rid Yo'self Of Annoying 'Friends'

There’s always that one friend you are close with, and you kinda have forgotten why. Maybe it's because of how long you’ve known each other. You wonder why you are still even close, because let’s face it, you hardly have anything in common, and they pretty much piss you off.  But why?


A usual conversation will entail said friend talking non-stop about themselves, you just staring in awe at how fast their mouth can move, until they finally stop and look at you, and ask ‘so, how are you?’ You feeling amazed that they have finally bothered to ask you a question, obviously answer in quite a dull manner ‘I’m fine thanks’. They see this as you’ve got nothing to say and somehow twists it back to them ‘fine? I'M MIGHTY FINE I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME ME ME.’

Or, they show an active interest, tell you they miss you, and ask to meet up. You then question ‘wow, why did I ever find you annoying?’ Until you are there at the restaurant, having the worst experience ever, trying your hardest not to stab their eyes out with your knife, because all you can hear running through your head is ‘ME ME ME I I IIIIII’. It gets to a point where you know all the names and life stories of the friends they have and you don’t. So much so, that you would be able to recognise them in the street, without having met them. Now whenever they ask you to go somewhere with them, alone, you think of every possible excuse to use so you don't have to sit through what feels like eternity with them. Or you try your new method of getting someone else to come with you so you can both endure it together.

So what to do to these 'friends' apart from throwing them off a building? KILL THEM WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. No but seriously, slowly show less interest. Do not make an effort. Or you can simply ask them ‘BITCH, HAVE YOU LOST THE ABILITY TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?'

The thing I have learned is all you gotta do is keep your distance, it will be less of an annoyance. That is unless of course, you can see yourself being able to bare this, and do not want to lose them in any shape of form. In this case, you're sad, and I feel sorry for you. Also, do not tell them any of your business. If they are openly telling you about their friend’s dramas, then they will do just the same to you. So drift off a bit, don’t put in as much input, and they will eventually get the hint. And if not, THEN THEY A CRAZY MOTHER’EFFER- RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN.

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Olympic Mania

Okay... so why did it take the Olympic opening ceremony for me to realise that maybe I am a human with emotions?

At first, like most Londoners, I didn't really care for the Olympics. All I was fussed about was the fact that transport will be even more of a nightmare. But having decided to tune into it last night...SOMETHING BLOOMIN' HAPPENED TO ME.

It started off pretty shit, with some weird ass farm yard crap. But then came Mr Bean and a heck load of music I love, and I actually found myself singing along (despite this annoying my siblings), and actually being entertained. 

The best part was when each country was coming out. It felt like an all you can eat buffet or something. The perving that commenced was immense, and the future life plans of places to travel then commenced. With every new country I was thinking 'hmmm I shall go there soon'. HOW ARE THERE SO MANY COUNTRIES I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF?   Everyone was so happy. It was like a big happy festival of happy people all being happy and I WANTED IN ON IT. I mean, my socially aware side was there in the back of my brain screaming 'LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS :'( :'( ', but the rest of my brain was winning in this screaming competition and it was screaming 'I LOVE TODAY. WHY CAN'T EVERYDAY BE AN OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONY???'

I mean, I dunno why the queen looked so bored and was checking out her nails during that ceremony. If  I were her I woulda been up there shaking some maracas and pompoms or having my own rave in the crowd. But no. It's kinda weird how Sport can bring so many people together. I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of sport. The only sport I compete in is walking from my room to the kitchen.  I used to love sport when I was younger, but now...just meh. BUT THE CEREMONY. OH THE CEREMONY. I kinda wanted to cry? GENDER EQUALITY :'( RACE EQUALITY :'( ALL FOR THOSE FOUR HOURS THE WORLD SEEMED SO NICE AND  I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT HOW BUSY LONDON WILL BE. And then it ended. And I legit wanted to cry. But didn't...because WHO do you think I am?


I then had a dream I was getting on the District line to go to Nigeria. How this makes sense, I do not know. I guess because the District Line is green and Nigeria's flag has green in it, that's probably why I came up with that.... Look at me tryna justify my messed up brain. Oh and why was I going there? To go to a camp where they do knee exercises. Lmao. Just wow.

Anyone else realise they actually aren't as cold hearted as they thought from watching the Olympic opening ceremony?

Friday, 20 July 2012

When The World Conspires Against You

Ever feel like the world is conspiring against you? Well that feeling pretty much explains my week. (Explains why I haven't been blogging much, sorry!)

To start off with, I decided this week, I shall fix up health-wise.
PRETTY HARD WHEN THE WORLD AROUND YOU SEEMS TO GODDAMN HATE YOU. I thought I'd get back into some sort of gym routine. (When I say 'get back' I lie, 'cause there was no routine to begin with, just random days of the week haha). I silenced my usual excuse of 'it's raining, I don't wanna go out' to prevent me from going to the gym, along with the 1000000 other excuses I make. I was getting into such a good habit of getting my bum up and heading down to do exercise. I suprisingly didn't even give up after the one minute mark of being there, which for me, is a huge achievement. But then what happens? TFL HAPPENED (transport for London, for all you non-Londoners). The trains decided to screw me over on my way back. Every possible train line I can get home was suspended, so I had to get a bus...which decided to terminate half way through the one hour journey. Then every other bus that came was also terminating. Oh, and it was raining. Pathetic fallacy anyone? So once I finally got on a bus that wasn't terminating, and somehow managed to secure the back of the bus all to myself, I sat down and thought 'yuss. I can act cool and just relax now'. NO ZAINEB, THE WORLD SAYS THIS IS NOT ALLOWED. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A GOOD DAY. The world then decided to emphasise this statement by making a wonderful drunk man sit next to me, and talk AT me. Apparently me staring blankly in the opposite direction isn't an incentive to shut the heck up, but instead, proved to him that I am 'hard to get' and 'worth his time', despite the fact that 'we've met on a bus'. He even told me he loved that my nails were all the same length. How very kind and observant of him (!) 

So that was enough to put me off ever making the journey to my gym ever again. Yes I make excuses, but unfortunately in my world laziness and food always somehow win.
I even decided I'd stop eating like a beast, and cut out all the bad stuff. It's not like I don't like healthy food, it's just my ratio of how much I eat it in comparison to shit food is horrendously bad. But somehow, when I decide that I'll do this, it's as if mother dearest somehow senses it, and doesn't want her daughter to starve, so stocks up on all the best snacks in the world (JAMMIE DODGERS I LOVE YOU :'( ). 

Oh and don't think that's the end of it. Guess who decided to say hello today? Good ol' mother nature! In fact she didn't just say hello, she said 'BITCH, I COMMAND YOU TO CRAVE EVERY TYPE OF SHIT FOOD THERE IS'. So of course, me being the obedient young lady that I am (ahem) decided it's only right I give in. I HOPE YOU CAN ALL SYMPATHISE WITH MY SITUATION.

So that's that really. I tried, and the world wasn't having it. What can I do? *shrugs*

All I know, is that right now, I want to somehow get my hands on THIS:

It's a fudge waffle, and the waffle has goddamn chocolate chips in it. I shared this fine piece of beauty with my friend in Chiquitos the other day. Yes I did say 'share', surprisingly I am capable of it when it comes to food. But if I'm honest, every piece I cut was bigger than hers. At first I pretended I was sorry about that, and kept saying 'I'm getting more than you' but then I finally admitted to her, I'm not sorry, and I honestly don't care if I get more than her. IT WAS THAT GOOD. I wanted to cry with every spoonful, knowing the end was near. :( .  Sigh. 

So whenever you are having a bad day, week, month, year, remember, someone out there is usually having a worse time, and that someone is usually me :D 
I'm gonna go pig out now... I think all women are allowed to be beastly for at least this one week of the month (please don't remind me I'm like this all year round)....


Saturday, 14 July 2012

July a.k.a. Ju-Lie

Welcome to July in England. The biggest lie of a month. I'm not gonna bang on about how annoying the rain is, and how it should be sunny, because to be honest, I don't mind rain that much. Don't get me wrong, I like the sun, the sunshine makes everything look pretty, but I usually spend the majority of the day looking like a fried tomato and worrying if the light is drawing attention to any imperfections I managed to hide during winter (screw you society for making a girl so conscious).

I don't mind going out in the rain, but the rest of the world seems to think this means plans have to be cancelled. So what to do when you are home-bound?


In fact, I have chosen to eat cake whilst staring out my window, like a sad imprisoned child.
And I don't mind. Will I gain a heck load of weight by the end of July if this keeps happening? Yes. Will I be internally satisfied, HELL YES. Do I blame the weather, rather than myself, for my inability to diet? OF COURSE. 


Sunday, 8 July 2012


Pre-Birthday Carrot Cake

Melting Chocolate Cake

Possibly coughing on the cake so no one else can eat it?

Cake with a bit of candle wax haha

My favourite gender confused card <3

Cheap but good thai food


My LIFE (excuse the frizz ball hair-it'd been a lonng day)

Looking 5years old rather than 20

Gourmet Burger Kitchen

I wish this was my drink :'( mine was so bad

Pesto & mozzarella chicken burger avec salad and relish

Look at them onion rings. hmmm.

So I turned 20 on the 4th of July. Do I feel any different? NOPE. I spent the majority of my birthday being emotional for no reason hahaha. It happens every year. I didn't do anything extravagant, but for me, birthdays are not about what you do, but more who you do it with. I couldn't have asked for better company...or better food. I was meant to go somewhere ammmazing with Zara, but instead, we went somewhere in a food court which was still good, and gave us more time to enjoy each other rather than the amazingness of a restaurant (I can't stay away from cheesiness when speaking about Zara). I also went out to eat at  Gourmet Burger Kitchen with a few friends, and it was sososo good. I usually pile my burger up with everything, but we were being money efficient (and cheap) and used a voucher which limited us. I still got good food so nothing to complain about there.
Oh and I finally put my Zara floral jacket to good use! And managed to see a few other people also wearing it (death upon you all!!!) And I now have a new Zara leather jacket which my friends got for me. I actually nearly cried 'cause I had been umm-ing and aww-ing over it for so long and they kindly bought it for me *sniff* ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. But screw you all for bringing out the emotions in me! Can you spot the pattern forming? I LOVE ANYTHING ZARA (shop and person!) haha <3.  I did get some wonderful presents which I am so thankful for, but my favourite things had to be the cards I got. I am a sentimental person, and I love looking back at messages in cards. Anyway, although I was practically emotional most of the time, I had a good time, with good people, and good food. And I have now gained half a stone, if not more (no exaggeration)...
P.s. I don't care how old I am, I will get a cake and candles every year of my life until my dying day no matter how pointless everyone else thinks it is haha

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Goodbye Teenage Years

So it's nothing to fuss about, but tomorrow 04/07 (let's ignore American Independence day for a second) I will be saying farewell to my teenage years and HELLO THERE to being 20. Sigh. When I turned 19, I told myself I wanted to enjoy my last year as a teenager and do something...different. Did I do something absolutely crazy and wild? No. Did I learn a lot? Yes. I can honestly say I learned the biggest lesson once I turned 19. It's gonna sound cliche, cheesy, and all that other cringey stuff, but it's something I now live by:


For so long in my life, I've been making my decisions based on what other people think. 'Oh but what would she say if i done blah blah blah' 'What would he think of me if I done bleh bleh bleh'. It got to a point where I felt like I couldn't be me, I wasn't being true to myself, and IT WAS JUST A BIG GODDAMN LIE. And it wasn't nice. It then one day occurred to me 'what the hell is the use of caring about these people?' Let's be real, I doubt any of them consider what the hell I would think before they make a decision. I still remember the day where I finally decided 'enough is enough' and I started doing things for me, and living for me. I can honestly say, it was the most liberating feeling ever, and something I think everyone should experience, 'cause it was AMAZING.

Since then, I've never been more happy. So was my last teenage year a wild and crazy one to look back at? Probably not. But did I make a life changing decision? Yep. And for that, I can look back at these years without feeling a sense of regret for the many stupid things I've done. Here's hoping that being 20 will come with a lot more good things.

CIAO FRESH SKIN AND BONJOUR WRINKLES :'(   (slight exaggeration, I know haha)