There’s always that one friend you are close with, and you kinda have forgotten why. Maybe it's because of how long you’ve known each other. You wonder why you are still even close, because let’s face it, you hardly have anything in common, and they pretty much piss you off. But why?
Because they DO NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THEMSELVES.
A usual conversation will entail said friend talking non-stop about themselves, you just staring in awe at how fast their mouth can move, until they finally stop and look at you, and ask ‘so, how are you?’ You feeling amazed that they have finally bothered to ask you a question, obviously answer in quite a dull manner ‘I’m fine thanks’. They see this as you’ve got nothing to say and somehow twists it back to them ‘fine? I'M MIGHTY FINE I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME ME ME.’
Or, they show an active interest, tell you they miss you, and ask to meet up. You then question ‘wow, why did I ever find you annoying?’ Until you are there at the restaurant, having the worst experience ever, trying your hardest not to stab their eyes out with your knife, because all you can hear running through your head is ‘ME ME ME I I IIIIII’. It gets to a point where you know all the names and life stories of the friends they have and you don’t. So much so, that you would be able to recognise them in the street, without having met them. Now whenever they ask you to go somewhere with them, alone, you think of every possible excuse to use so you don't have to sit through what feels like eternity with them. Or you try your new method of getting someone else to come with you so you can both endure it together.
So what to do to these 'friends' apart from throwing them off a building? KILL THEM WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. No but seriously, slowly show less interest. Do not make an effort. Or you can simply ask them ‘BITCH, HAVE YOU LOST THE ABILITY TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?'
The thing I have learned is all you gotta do is keep your distance, it will be less of an annoyance. That is unless of course, you can see yourself being able to bare this, and do not want to lose them in any shape of form. In this case, you're sad, and I feel sorry for you. Also, do not tell them any of your business. If they are openly telling you about their friend’s dramas, then they will do just the same to you. So drift off a bit, don’t put in as much input, and they will eventually get the hint. And if not, THEN THEY A CRAZY MOTHER’EFFER- RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN.