So last year I deleted my facebook. My reasoning for this: ‘FUCK THE WORLD’.
However, a month ago I realised ‘why do I have THE WORLD on Facebook?’ If
anything Facebook is what YOU make it, so if it's annoying you it is because
you are letting it annoy you. YOU DON’T NEED THEM ANNOYING PEEPS ON YO LIST.
So…
STEP 1…..YOU'RE KISSING ON MEEE (Fuck you PRETTY RICKY I CAN NEVER SAY STEP 1
WITHOUT BREAKING OUT INTO YO SONG) anyways let me get back to it. STEP 1,
and the only step: DELETE DEM MOFOS!!!
Do
you need me to help you decide who is worth deleting? Yes of course you
do. How will I do this? I will distinguish between the different type of
people you get on facebook, and why the fuck you want them outaaa yo’ life.
1)The ‘Annoying Status Updaters’ A.K.A. The I THOUGHT MY STATUS WAS MY DIARY WHORE
WOW. Where do I start with these people. These are the
people who make you question if there is a new craze on Facebook called ‘LETS
POST AN ANNOYING STATUS AND ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ZAINEB ALL DAY AND EVERYDAY’.
A popular status often posted by the annoying status updater is:
‘ARGHGHGHG IM SO ANNOYED I HATE LIFE WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME I AM SO ANGRY I
CAN’T STOP CRYING WAHH WAH WAHH FML FML FML WAHH’. And then usually you see the
response ‘whatz rong BABEZ’ then the reply ‘NOTHING’. PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP
FOR THE SAKE OF MY EYES AND LIFE. DELETE THEM HOES.
2) The ‘Who the fuck are you exactly and have we ever conversed????' randomers
These are the people who have added you because they have
seen you around. You might go to the same school, work together, blah blah
blah. Have they ever spoken to you? No. Would they ever recognise you in the
street and say hello? No. FUCK THEM AND FUCK THEIR STALKERY I-WANT-MORE-FACEBOOK-FRIENDS WAYS….delete!!!!
3) The ‘I upload a whole album of 100 pics of me doing the same pose’ Facebook models
I have no words
4) The ‘my face is annoying and I bring you fury from just looking at me’ annoying beings
We all know people that just irritate our soul from just
looking at them, and can never quite figure out why. You know, when so and so
updates their status and you BURN with anger. With every flick of their
photos you just want to murder them more and more and MORE AND QUESTION THEIR
EXISTENCE. Practice breathing techniques, then delete them... It aint good fo’
yo heart.
5) The ‘I think I run MTV’ fake producers
These are the people who CONSTANTLY post links on your wall,
homepage, photos, status, EVERYTHING saying something like ‘CHECK THIS OUT’
then adding a dumb youtube link of a song or some shit. In situations like
this, you reply ‘CHECK TTTTTHIS OUT’…then delete them.
6) The ‘I am known to spread bullshit’ idiots
If you KNOW someone is on that Sherlock Holmes shiz, and
will stalk you so bad they piece out FAKE things and will go out of their
way to gossip, why are they on your list? SAY GUTEN TAG AND DELETE THEM.
So
that’s it. There are a heck load more annoying people on Facebook, because lets
face it, most people are irritating... but once you delete these people off
Facebook, you are left with the decent people who are your actual friends, and
are ALLOWED to stalk your life. Then your newsfeed doesn’t move as much so you
won’t even be constantly distracted by Facebook. And then..it is more
tolerable!! If you are worried someone will get offended that you deleted them,
LET THEM GET OFFENDED. THEY OFFENDED YOUUUU WITH THEIR ANNOYINGNESS. You will find that deleting people becomes so addictive you start to delete people you know and love, by accident.
An
alternative would be to keep these annoying people and constantly cuss them, that’s
always fun too.
HAPPY
DELETING, PEOPLE!!!!
"You will find that deleting people becomes so addictive you start to delete people you know and love by accident." this makes me wanna delete u from love
ReplyDeleteDO IT
Deletehaah #1 - so true!!!
ReplyDeletehaha glad you agree!
DeleteThis post has actually made me love your blog hahaha! These are so true!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I absolutely hate when people post status updates from Twitter like "Baby Shirt Idea: Did 9 months in solitary confinement", yet that kid is like some 15 year old.
And you personally know that kid through family and you're thinking like "pshht, you're fucking stupid" hahaa.
xx
haha glad you liked it! oh my god, 15 year olds thinking they are comedians haha!sometimes it is good to just read it and think 'dammmn your intellect is horrendous' haha xx
DeleteI couldn't agree with you more!!!!!! LUV THIS hahaha deffo do the pretty ricky thing myself! X
ReplyDeleteloool glad i'm not the only one! xx
DeleteI couldn't agree with you more!!!!!! LUV THIS hahaha deffo do the pretty ricky thing myself! X
ReplyDelete