How to Make Facebook More Tolerable

So last year I deleted my facebook. My reasoning for this: ‘FUCK THE WORLD’. However, a month ago I realised ‘why do I have THE WORLD on Facebook?’ If anything Facebook is what YOU make it, so if it's annoying you it is because you are letting it annoy you. YOU DON’T NEED THEM ANNOYING PEEPS ON YO LIST.

So… STEP 1…..YOU'RE KISSING ON MEEE (Fuck you PRETTY RICKY I CAN NEVER SAY STEP 1 WITHOUT  BREAKING OUT INTO YO SONG) anyways let me get back to it. STEP 1, and the only step: DELETE DEM MOFOS!!!

Do you need me to help you decide who is worth deleting? Yes of course you do.  How will I do this? I will distinguish between the different type of people you get on facebook, and why the fuck you want them outaaa yo’ life.

1)The ‘Annoying Status Updaters’ A.K.A. The I THOUGHT MY STATUS WAS MY DIARY WHORE

WOW. Where do I start with these people. These are the people who make you question if there is a new craze on Facebook called ‘LETS POST AN ANNOYING STATUS AND ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ZAINEB ALL DAY AND EVERYDAY’.  A popular status often posted by the annoying status updater is: ‘ARGHGHGHG IM SO ANNOYED I HATE LIFE WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME I AM SO ANGRY I CAN’T STOP CRYING WAHH WAH WAHH FML FML FML WAHH’. And then usually you see the response ‘whatz rong BABEZ’ then the reply ‘NOTHING’. PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR THE SAKE OF MY EYES AND LIFE.  DELETE THEM HOES.

 

2) The ‘Who the fuck are you exactly and have we ever conversed????' randomers 

These are the people who have added you because they have seen you around. You might go to the same school, work together, blah blah blah. Have they ever spoken to you? No. Would they ever recognise you in the street and say hello? No. FUCK THEM AND FUCK THEIR STALKERY I-WANT-MORE-FACEBOOK-FRIENDS WAYS….delete!!!!

3) The ‘I upload a whole album of 100 pics of me doing the same pose’ Facebook models 

I have no words

4) The ‘my face is annoying and I bring you fury from just looking at me’ annoying beings 

We all know people that just irritate our soul from just looking at them, and can never quite figure out why. You know, when so and so updates their status and you BURN with anger.  With every flick of their photos you just want to murder them more and more and MORE AND QUESTION THEIR EXISTENCE. Practice breathing techniques, then delete them... It aint good fo’ yo heart.

5) The ‘I think I run MTV’ fake producers

These are the people who CONSTANTLY post links on your wall, homepage, photos, status, EVERYTHING saying something like ‘CHECK THIS OUT’ then adding a dumb youtube link of a song or some shit. In situations like this, you reply ‘CHECK TTTTTHIS OUT’…then delete them.

6) The ‘I am known to spread bullshit’ idiots

If you KNOW someone is on that Sherlock Holmes shiz, and will stalk you so bad they piece out FAKE  things and will go out of their way to gossip, why are they on your list? SAY GUTEN TAG AND DELETE THEM.

So that’s it. There are a heck load more annoying people on Facebook, because lets face it, most people are irritating... but once you delete these people off Facebook, you are left with the decent people who are your actual friends, and are ALLOWED to stalk your life. Then your newsfeed doesn’t move as much so you won’t even be constantly distracted by Facebook. And then..it is more tolerable!! If you are worried someone will get offended that you deleted them, LET THEM GET OFFENDED. THEY OFFENDED YOUUUU WITH THEIR ANNOYINGNESS. You will find that deleting people becomes so addictive you start to delete people you know and love, by accident.

An alternative would be to keep these annoying people and constantly cuss them, that’s always fun too.

HAPPY DELETING, PEOPLE!!!!